Constantine

John Constantine--not British? Shocking. Still, you pick Keanu Reeves to play the part, it's better that he not even try to use a British accent. "Constant" cigarette action, that's imperative, and the filmmakers obviously recognized that, thank Heavens. Making it the raison d'être of the film, well, that was unexpected. Not that I've read the comic books in a long time. Perhaps there is a sub-plot wherein Constantine is dying of lung cancer from prolonged cigarette use. He's a bit pissed to be leaving Earth so early, seeing as he's intimately acquainted with Hell and has no desire to return any time soon. Mixed in with that is a woman who can see and hear the same evil beings he can and actually wants to go to Hell to save her twin sister. Crazy girl, and he thinks so, too. Seeing as Hell is the main topic of conversation in this flick, expect dark, bleak and fiery. It's also definitely not for the squeamish or kids under the age of, say, 16. For those who do like this kind of stuff (me!), the film is surprisingly tight -- tightly written (almost sparse, so you have to pay attention to all that's said), tightly directed (someone story-boarded like Hell), and, surprise surprise, well acted. Rachel Weisz is the crazy woman, and she's always great, her sincerity always in-your-face. Reeves is fine with hints of what makes him special. But Peter Stormare. Ah! He's Lucifer, played with glee and camp, without losing any hint of the obvious terror of the Devil incarnate. He's got maybe 5 minutes on screen towards the end. Watch it for him.

year: 2005
length: 121 min.
rating: 3.0
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0360486/combined

Hitch

For so many reasons, Will Smith is currently the king of Hollywood. He's the king of comedy, hip-hop, adventure films and now romances. He could aptly be called the most self-confident man alive, and he's done it all under the persona of all-around nice guy and family man. It's very clever. I wish him the longest reign, as I am as rapt in his spell as the rest of the country. (Besides, he should also be crowned the sexiest man alive, knocking Denzel from that top spot.) So, it's charming to finally see him using all of his talents in one film, even one so sweetly dopey as this. Smith stars as the title character, essentially a dating counselor, who helps men get the girls of their dreams and hold onto them. Of course, he falls for someone himself (Eva Mendes), makes an utter mess of it, naturally, and you can guess the ending. Why watch it? Well, why wouldn't you watch the king? His over-abundant charm, his willingness to do anything for comedic effect (witness the food-allergy scene, which I dare you not to laugh out loud at). And his excellently chosen co-stars (among whom Kevin James plays a worthy comedic adversary as the main hapless dater) and the general ambience. Race, age and size issues abound, but are thankfully completely ignored, rare in a comedy rife with opportunities for such jokes. This is, literally, a film for everyone so ignore the silly ending and enjoy.

year: 2005
length: 118 min.
rating: 3.0
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/combined

Madagascar

First, I saw the last one-third of this film on the ferry from Muskegon to Milwaukee. And I thought, without having seen the first bits, that this was one of the dopiest kids films ever. Here's a zoo-based lion, deprived of food for a week in the wild, ready to eat his pals. What kind of moral message are we sending children when it involves actually eating other beings? I know, I know, it's all a metaphor for learning the value of friendship, but I found it a rather distasteful one. Then, I watched the whole film from start to finish at a drive-in in lower Ontario (at which the drive-in, and only the drive-in, got soaked in a monstrous thunderstorm) and actually laughed at the first two- thirds. Because the first parts in the zoo are quite funny, especially the bits with the mafia-like penguins and the erudite chimps. And once they're shipwrecked on the island of Madagascar (don't ask) the lemurs' funky dancing and silly king (voiced uniquely and hysterically by Sacha Baron Cohen) are even funnier. Then the movie devolves into the part I saw on the ferry and I was as disturbed by it as earlier. But if the ending gets people to eat more fish (I'll say no more) and to hire Cohen for more (more! more!) parts, and not only voice parts, then the movie has done its job.

year: 2005
length: 86 min.
rating: 2.5
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0351283/combined

The Island

Right off the bat -- I didn't choose to see this movie. (Yes, it was foisted on me! I was tied down, strapped in, eyes stretched wide open! Oh, wrong film.) It was part of a double feature at our local (okay, so 30-some miles away isn't really local) drive-in, and my summer urge was to see as many drive-in movies as I could. Sadly, it was not nearly as good as the first feature (Red-Eye) and it was far longer, which goes a long way towards proving the adage that brevity is the soul of wit. (OK, so Red-Eye isn't necessarily witty, but it's compact, doesn't try your patience.) I'm not one of those who slobber over Ewan McGregor (I know, what's wrong with me?) but I fully recognize his acting skills and those of his co-star Scarlett Johansson. So what are they doing in a Michael Bay film? Wouldn't a short conversation with John Cusack or John Malkovich or, heck, Ben Affleck, dissuade them of the ridiculous notion that acting would be required? Bay gives interviews now that run interference against reporters assuming his films are strictly in the blow- things-up vein. What a useless endeavor. If he's not blowing things up, he's showing off his sets, costumes and stunt driving. How can he be proud of a film that exists solely for these reasons? (Why would he care? Everything he makes rakes it in.) The plot itself is a tired rehashing of Blade Runner, The Matrix and Coma. (Remember Coma? So much spookier.) Clones who don't know they're clones are promised retirement on a beautiful island, while instead they're being used as spare parts for the original person (believe me, it matters very little that I gave away the reveal there). The only redeeming features of the movie are the futuristic scenes of Detroit city (where some backgrounds were filmed), the cool flycycles and Steve Buscemi. He's a comic genius, and I have no idea why he has such a fondness for Mr. Bay.

year: 2005
length: 136 min.
rating: 2.0
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399201/combined

Double Indemnity

As an old(-ish) fart, I'm allowed to say that they just don't make 'em like this anymore. Not that I was born when this film was made, but I (hopefully) like so many other Americans, yearn for the films in which scripts were written with oodles of sub- text. In which everything, but everything, is hidden under layers of shifting words. The first major repartee between Fred McMurray's hapless insurance rep and the oh-so-evil, but oh-so- alluring (can't quite call her beautiful), Barbara Stanwyck is dazzling in its wordplay, while at the same time inducing giggles at how different the world is now. Which is probably why nobody makes films like this anymore. I mean, having the lead man constantly calling the leading lady "baby" would be, hmm, off- putting nowadays. Still, the best line in the whole movie is "Shut up, baby." so there you have it. The movie conforms to the all the rules of noir -- a plot that holds water but only if you don't look too closely, plenty of intricacies involving other characters and set pieces, a somber, bleak tone, and above all as little light used as possible. The beauty and mystery of the darkest film noir, and this is one of them, creates the tragedy we know we're in store for. Does it matter? Not in the least. Knowing there will be a tragic ending doesn't dissuade us, it pulls us in deeper. Are we entranced by the mirror it holds to our own lives? Maybe. I like to think part of why we watch noir is a sense of relief -- there's no way we're as messed up as those lost souls on screen.

year: 1944
length: 107 min.
rating: 3.5
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0036775/combined

A Night at the Opera

I've watched a couple of Marx Brothers films (the one in the fake country, the one in the country house), but neither have come close to being as funny and brilliant as this one. It's as if all the classic jokes are told for the first time all in the span of an hour and a half. When Groucho is on screen, it's one- liner after one-liner, constantly interrupting all the "serious" actors. And you can barely keep up with him -- you're finished laughing at the first joke while he's through telling the second one! When Chico enters the picture, the brothers engage in extended comedic dialogue -- witness the contract scene, which while not a leg-slapper has wordplay that rivals the Who's on First skit. What I wasn't aware of (or had forgotten from the previous films) was the musical talents of at least two of the Marx Brothers. I knew Harpo played the harp, but that he and Chico also played the piano, and marvelously at that, was a surprise to me. The film is daring in that it pits musical numbers, and not just the individual talents but full-blown ensemble singing and dancing pieces, against the comedy. At first, you're not sure if this juxtaposition works, but when Harpo plays a most haunting, and not-at-all-silly, composition on the harp, it doesn't matter anymore. (And that little number Chico plays on the piano -- gosh, that sounds awfully like the music in the Coconut Grove dance in Singin' in the Rain, hmm?) There's actually a plot to this film, and real romance, but of course also Groucho bidding for the attentions of Margaret Dumont, their ever-present foil. And although basic, the plot works. It effectively gives the film a grounding and provides context for some of the sillier numbers (like, baseball in the orchestra pit!). Until I see a better one, this remains my fave film of theirs.

year: 1935
length: 96 min.
rating: 4.0
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0026778/combined

The Adventures of Robin Hood

I can't believe I never saw this film as a child. It's the sort of film every kid should see -- pompous, arrogant bad guys, purely wholesome good guys, innocent damsels in distress, and lots of jolly peasantry. (In fact, the one time you see the peasants down on their luck they look like you and me on a good day. That's 1930s Hollywood for you.) Errol Flynn plays what he always played -- the lead with a heart of gold, a catchy laugh, and excellent swordsmanship. His ever-present co-star, Olivia de Havilland, is the tops as Maid Marian, although you can't help but wonder how she would have sunk her teeth into a leading role of her own. Marian is barely there -- necessary but not at all the focus of the film. Which is all the swashbuckling antics. As well as the moral judgment of not being a rich bastard 'cause look what it gets you in the end! I'm not sure if the print I saw (fortunately on the big screen) was restored or not -- the colors looked so bright and defined. Nothing pastel here: reds, blues, greens, and not just in the costumes. The sets use the same color palette and it gives the picture a cheery, kid-friendly visual appeal. Moralizing may be an obvious theme of the film -- one kid asked his father after the film why Flynn allowed the bad guy to pick up his sword again when he was clearly beat. Certainly a super opportunity to teach morals, you betcha. Mostly, though, it's just fun to see everyone dressed up in tights and having a ball.

year: 1938
length: 102 min.
rating: 3.5
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0029843/combined

War of the Worlds

I don't think Steven Spielberg's heart is in it anymore. Each and every one of his films from recent memory has the same exact theme. All together now -- families don't communicate, get ripped apart by external forces, only to discover that what they wanted all along was each other. There are more plots in this world than that one! And it's particularly weird that he seems to be able to take any kind of film, sci-fi or otherwise, and ground it in the relationships among family members. I shouldn't diss this approach so heavily, but like I said, it gets old. For those unfamiliar with H.G. Wells' book, the original text has aliens from Mars attacking Earth and attempting to wipe out all of mankind. And this is the premise of the film, except that the aliens aren't necessarily from Mars and while they come from outer space to do their attacking, there's an important component of their attack hiding out beneath our feet. Creepy, you betcha. And absolutely, utterly and completely implausible. You mean to say that when we drilled for oil, built a tunnel for a subway line or, heck, mined for salt, we never ran across these things?! The ridiculousness of this grabs you from the get-go and never leaves you, giving the film a stoooopid taint that is unfortunate. Because the special effects rock -- those long-legged machines wiping out each and every human are exactly as terrifying as they should be. And the acting, for the most part, is excellent. Tom Cruise plays a deadbeat dad saddled with his two kids as the horror begins, and only mis-steps (mis-acts) a couple of times. There is also an interesting sub-theme running through the picture, that of the difficulty of allowing a child to go fight a war that seems to be a lost cause. Spielberg doesn't take this far, as it isn't the thrust of the film, but I think any comparisons you might draw with the war in Iraq are justified. I hated the voiceovers at the beginning and end (and I adore Morgan Freeman's voice). Totally unnecessary -- does he think we need an explanation for the terrors we're about to see? And the ending sucked eggs. So, I liked it and I dis-liked it. If I were to rent it, I'd fast forward to all the scenes of Cruise emoting and buildings being torn to shreds and ignore the rest of it.

year: 2005
length: 116 min.
rating: 2.5
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0407304/combined

The Machinist

How, in God's name, do you lose that much weight? I mean, Christian Bale looks, quite literally, like an Auschwitz prisoner. I can't imagine the film working without his having lost one-third of his flesh, but if there ever was a film that teenage girls should go see to dissuade them from starving themselves for beauty, fashion, what have you, this is the one. According to one report I read, Bale lost 63 pounds by eating one can of tuna and one apple per day. I could harp on about this at length, and you'll understand why when you watch it. Strangely, while the film creeps you out (and not just from having to look at Bale with his shirt off in that state) and has some peek-through-your-fingers moments, it simultaneously tries to put you into a dreamy, sleepy state of mind. It's quite the unique mix. Bale plays Trevor Reznik, a factory worker who hasn't slept in a year, and seems to be hallucinating the existence of a co-worker. Jennifer Jason Leigh plays the heart-of-gold hooker (but she was cast for how well she gets angry, that's clear). The beauty of this film is that you're certain it will move in only one direction, based on some rather gruesome images sprinkled throughout, but it does a 180 at the end and you are treated to one of the most satisfying endings of the last few years. This comes from the mind of a director working in the same vein as Christopher Nolan and Alejandro González Iñárritu, and yet crafting something truly original. And here I thought all the good plots had been done.

year: 2004
length: 102 min.
rating: 3.5
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361862/combined

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Ah, a worthy heir. (Joke! Don't worry, you'll get it when you see the movie.) Johnny Depp steps smartly into Gene Wilder's shoes and pulls off one more portrayal of the distinctly nutty, bizarrely childlike, and decidedly eccentric Willy Wonka. For those of you who loved Wilder's version as a child, it may be difficult to fathom what good a remake can bring (as yet another of the endless stream of remakes), but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. This one may not have the googly-eyed man himself, but it has overabundant color! and surreal sets! and cute little musical numbers! and really funny lines! and trained squirrels! and to top it all off Depp!, who has his feet planted firmly as the cleverest actor of his generation. Here he's channeling Pee-Wee Herman, albeit a Pee-Wee with extra bite and wit. For those who've read the book, this film adds a bit of backstory to Wonka's childhood, but otherwise is completely faithful. Wonka's reminiscences of his childhood are a teeny bit distracting, as they drag you away from the main thrust of the film (that being the removal of every one of the naughty kids who gets to tour Wonka's chocolate factory except Charlie himself, of course). And yet I thought they made the ending all that more sweet and caring. I do hope Tim Burton gets to make The Great Glass Elevator, if only to see who he'd cast at the President of the U.S. (Jack Nicholson again?) and as the Vermicious Knids (Jack Nicholson again?). Probably a good thing I'm not a casting agent, but let's hear it for more from the Burton-Depp team!

year: 2005
length: 115 min.
rating: 4.0
IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367594/combined